Aug. 20, 2025

How One Man Turned Tragedy into Purpose and connected with the 50-Mile March

How One Man Turned Tragedy into Purpose and connected with the 50-Mile March

"Text now! I'll Respond" What happens when unimaginable tragedy strikes, and you're left to pick up the pieces? Brett Allen's story is one of profound loss transformed into purpose through connection and courage. Brett's life changed forever when his ex-wife Cari was murdered by her boyfriend—a veteran who fled to Belize before being brought to justice. Despite this traumatic connection to the veteran community, Brett made the remarkable choice to participate in the 50-Mile March, an event ...

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Season 4

"Text now! I'll Respond"

What happens when unimaginable tragedy strikes, and you're left to pick up the pieces? Brett Allen's story is one of profound loss transformed into purpose through connection and courage.

Brett's life changed forever when his ex-wife Cari was murdered by her boyfriend—a veteran who fled to Belize before being brought to justice. Despite this traumatic connection to the veteran community, Brett made the remarkable choice to participate in the 50-Mile March, an event supporting veterans' mental health and suicide prevention.

As a single father raising his teenage son Brendan, Brett navigates the complex terrain of grief with raw honesty. "The worst thing as a parent is knowing your child is hurting and there's nothing you can do about that," he shares. Throughout our conversation, Brett reveals the challenges of supporting his son through milestones his mother will never see, while processing his own pain and seeking help when traditional masculine norms might have dictated silence.

What makes Brett's journey so powerful is his refusal to let tragedy define him. Instead of harboring resentment, he asked himself, "Is there something I can do to prevent this from happening to someone else?" This question led him to join a community of "crazy people" willing to push their bodies to the limit—walking 50 miles over 22 grueling hours—to raise awareness about veteran suicide and homelessness.

The conversation explores how trauma reshapes our priorities, the importance of mental health resources, and the healing power of purposeful challenge. Brett's participation in the march represents not just personal healing but a message to his son: "We can do hard things if we put our mind to it."

Join us for this moving episode that reminds us grief isn't something you "get over," but something you move through—and how connecting with others on similar journeys can transform individual pain into collective purpose. Whether you're facing your own struggles or supporting someone through theirs, Brett's story offers both comfort and inspiration.

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00:11 - Meet Brett Allen

04:16 - Life in Omaha, Nebraska

07:45 - Tragedy and Personal Loss

15:21 - Healing Journey as a Single Father

25:14 - Preparing for the 50-Mile March

46:34 - Finding Meaning in the Pain

49:41 - Closing Thoughts and Inspiration

WEBVTT

00:00:11.070 --> 00:00:16.676
Connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the world, creating more connections.

00:00:16.676 --> 00:00:19.548
Welcome to the Connection.

00:00:19.548 --> 00:00:21.079
Meet your host.

00:00:21.079 --> 00:00:25.501
Author, coach, air Force veteran Jay Morales.

00:00:30.524 --> 00:00:32.645
Thanks for joining us again here on the Connection.

00:00:32.645 --> 00:00:38.787
I'm very grateful to have Brett Allen with us today and, brett, crazy, you shared your story.

00:00:38.787 --> 00:00:45.451
We've heard of it, but before we get to all that, let's talk about the first time you heard about the 50 Mile March.

00:00:45.890 --> 00:00:48.512
It was last year A couple of participants that I knew.

00:00:48.512 --> 00:00:55.734
Dave Swearingen, who's my platoon leader this year, was doing it, so I kind of followed him along.

00:00:55.734 --> 00:00:58.737
And then one of my good friends, Kimberly Garber, did it last year.

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She came from Kansas.

00:00:59.476 --> 00:01:01.578
Oh yeah, I followed both of them.

00:01:01.898 --> 00:01:02.999
She came all the way up.

00:01:02.999 --> 00:01:07.951
Yep, I do remember that she had the cool American flag shoes on the brookies.

00:01:07.951 --> 00:01:10.287
Yeah, I wanted one of those so bad.

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So now we figured out your connection to the 50 Mile March, let's talk about you as a person and then we'll go on to other subjects.

00:01:17.631 --> 00:01:21.170
Brett, what occupies your time?

00:01:21.170 --> 00:01:22.182
What do you do during the day?

00:01:23.283 --> 00:01:29.534
During the day, I work for the law firm that has the contract to run the child support services for Douglas County.

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How long have you been doing that?

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I've been there for 24 years.

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You've seen a lot.

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I've seen a lot of things.

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I've done a lot there.

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Yeah, are you from Omaha originally.

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Not originally.

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Originally I'm from the other end of the state, from Gearing Ge.

00:01:43.962 --> 00:01:56.974
Not originally, originally, I'm from the other end of the state, from Gearing, gearing, okay, yeah, well, heck, I drove through Gearing one time by accident and I'm going to tell you this they had a lot of above-ground swimming pools in the front yard, brother, yeah, well, in the front.

00:01:56.974 --> 00:01:58.975
Yeah, put it where you can put it.

00:01:58.975 --> 00:02:02.983
Yes, good old Gearing, a friend of Michelle is from Gearing.

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You probably know her and I'll connect you guys, hessler.

00:02:07.510 --> 00:02:07.710
Yeah.

00:02:07.891 --> 00:02:08.932
Yeah, did you know her too?

00:02:08.932 --> 00:02:15.169
I know Hessler Get out, I'm not sure which of the family tree, but here's the connection.

00:02:15.411 --> 00:02:19.768
Yeah, I graduated with Michelle Hessler, Mikey Hessler.

00:02:20.310 --> 00:02:20.830
That's Mikey.

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Yeah, that's her.

00:02:21.612 --> 00:02:23.782
Yeah, yeah, of course.

00:02:23.782 --> 00:02:26.063
We just saw her a few weeks ago.

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We're back for a class reunion.

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Get out of here.

00:02:29.667 --> 00:02:31.868
See, this is what I talk about on the Connection.

00:02:31.868 --> 00:02:38.435
So our podcast, right, it's all about connection, our life is all about connection and you just never know.

00:02:38.435 --> 00:02:41.137
But people never listen enough.

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Listen enough.

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I could have just said, oh, gearing, I could have just went on with the joke, but it hit me the name and when you said, mikey, there's a connection there, you can't mistake her for anybody, you cannot.

00:02:55.725 --> 00:02:57.187
That's awesome, brother.

00:02:57.187 --> 00:02:58.750
Wow, I'm wild right now on my podcast.

00:02:58.750 --> 00:03:00.451
So, brett Gearing, what made you move from there?

00:03:00.451 --> 00:03:01.072
When did you move?

00:03:01.092 --> 00:03:02.433
from there, from there, when did you move from there?

00:03:02.433 --> 00:03:14.793
So I did my undergrad down in Kansas City and after I graduated there in 99, I had a buddy that was that I knew that was moving to Omaha for a teaching job.

00:03:14.793 --> 00:03:16.197
And he's like hey, you want to move to Omaha?

00:03:16.197 --> 00:03:16.598
Sure, why not?

00:03:16.598 --> 00:03:17.741
Big town, Kansas City was nice.

00:03:17.741 --> 00:03:23.431
I think it's a better place to visit than live for me, I agree, and so you know.

00:03:23.431 --> 00:03:25.775
Coming back to Nebraska, that was the other end of the state.

00:03:25.775 --> 00:03:26.981
So I've been here.

00:03:26.981 --> 00:03:28.929
What 25 years.

00:03:30.200 --> 00:03:31.948
You know, time flies, right, you think about it.

00:03:31.948 --> 00:03:35.325
Somebody watching right now.

00:03:35.325 --> 00:03:40.860
They're saying Nebraska, omaha, they think of cornfields and they think of all the other things.

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But you know what would you tell somebody?

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To say, hey, here's what we have.

00:03:45.872 --> 00:03:46.492
That's really cool.

00:03:46.492 --> 00:03:48.548
What do you love about Omaha or Nebraska?

00:03:50.625 --> 00:03:57.492
It's a little big city, I mean there's a little bit to do everywhere, whether it's arts or sporting events.

00:03:57.492 --> 00:04:00.225
We have so many restaurants.

00:04:00.225 --> 00:04:01.229
It's ridiculous.

00:04:01.229 --> 00:04:13.794
It's the food capital second food capital of the world, and they're always busy, which I don't understand, but yeah, so there's a lot to do and, unlike a lot of big cities like Denver and stuff, you can get around in Omaha pretty quickly.

00:04:13.794 --> 00:04:15.842
It's true, it's a 22 minute town.

00:04:15.943 --> 00:04:19.516
Yeah, I'm mad about 22 minutes of traffic or 23 minutes of traffic.

00:04:19.516 --> 00:04:20.620
Let's be honest, yeah.

00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:23.064
So you can go from one end to the other end and you don't have to.

00:04:23.064 --> 00:04:27.612
You know worry about, you know how necessarily, how long it's going to take, and that's true.

00:04:28.834 --> 00:04:30.182
Except when I drive to Bellevue.

00:04:30.182 --> 00:04:31.670
I don't know what it is, brother.

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That's a whole different.

00:04:33.538 --> 00:04:34.379
That's a whole different.

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I swear to you, I don't know any shortcut to Bellevue, and it seems like every place I want to go to Bellevue is 37 minutes away.

00:04:42.170 --> 00:04:42.752
I don't know why.

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I think you went like going to a sporting event.

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You think it's in Bellevue and it's like it's a road trip.

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Oh, you got to pack a lunch.

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Hey, Bellevue, we love you, but no love lost there, All right.

00:04:52.572 --> 00:04:54.026
So what do you do outside of work?

00:04:54.026 --> 00:04:54.500
What do you?

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How are you connected in the community or what occupies?

00:04:57.940 --> 00:04:59.043
your time.

00:04:59.043 --> 00:05:00.904
My son usually occupies my time.

00:05:00.904 --> 00:05:02.086
Tell me about your son.

00:05:02.086 --> 00:05:04.709
He's a senior at Miller North.

00:05:04.709 --> 00:05:07.533
He's just doing wrestling now, Once he heals up.

00:05:07.533 --> 00:05:15.666
He just had surgery, yeah, but other than that it's me and him we are pretty much connected going everywhere together.

00:05:15.927 --> 00:05:18.432
That's awesome, Father son huh Very, very close.

00:05:18.432 --> 00:05:25.937
Yeah, I saw, I think on your timeline first day of school you were lucky to get a wince like a nice little photo.

00:05:25.978 --> 00:05:26.637
He was on crutches.

00:05:26.637 --> 00:05:32.165
He's on crutches, but he's a boy, he's 18 and he didn't really want to smile.

00:05:32.286 --> 00:05:32.908
No, I get it.

00:05:32.908 --> 00:05:33.430
I get it.

00:05:33.430 --> 00:05:34.021
He's like Dad.

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You know, if we can go back to the ages, when they were four, I was looking at my son, so he's 16 now.

00:05:39.004 --> 00:05:47.081
You can't believe that they were that little.

00:05:47.081 --> 00:05:48.365
No, no, we tell people all the time oh, we're so busy.

00:05:48.365 --> 00:05:49.086
Our kids grew up so fast.

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It's true, life does go very, very fast.

00:05:50.490 --> 00:05:52.000
And now I want to reconnect to the march.

00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:57.732
Oh, before your why, you know, you told me how you heard about it.

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Two great people you know when you heard about it.

00:06:01.786 --> 00:06:04.391
Take us back to the moment that you remember hearing about it.

00:06:04.391 --> 00:06:04.639
What?

00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:07.610
Because everyone interprets it different.

00:06:07.610 --> 00:06:07.860
What?

00:06:07.860 --> 00:06:08.942
What did you think it was?

00:06:08.942 --> 00:06:10.447
Or what did you I?

00:06:10.827 --> 00:06:12.451
I really didn't know a whole lot about.

00:06:12.451 --> 00:06:14.223
You know why.

00:06:14.223 --> 00:06:16.689
I mean what you guys are doing and what the mission was.

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Yeah, that's all.

00:06:17.471 --> 00:06:25.293
Yes, people marching 50 miles and I'm like, well, there's a group of crazy people which is which is kind of fun and exciting because I like crazy people.

00:06:25.293 --> 00:06:26.725
I love crazy people.

00:06:26.725 --> 00:06:28.588
That's why, that's why you're here, right.

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But then you know, I started getting talked to them and everybody has their different reasons why they do it.

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You know the mission you guys do and just helping people veterans so I really, you know, started researching a little bit and you, how, how could that relate to me in my life?

00:06:43.529 --> 00:06:48.589
And yeah, just kind of like, you know what I, I see, I see what they're doing.

00:06:48.589 --> 00:06:52.463
I I was kind of jealous watching the march last year sure you're like what am I?

00:06:52.584 --> 00:06:55.310
yeah well, these guys are doing something, I'm not doing anything.

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Um, and then the actual knowing how hard it's going to be, kind of kind of exciting in a weird way.

00:07:01.333 --> 00:07:03.927
Yeah, it is it is it, we're gluttons.

00:07:03.927 --> 00:07:10.370
You got to be a glutton for pain, it's true, and you know everyone has a connection and a reason why.

00:07:10.370 --> 00:07:12.947
So I do want to talk about your reason why.

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Now you know, and I know in all respect.

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I want to respect the story.

00:07:18.012 --> 00:07:51.065
So your ex-wife, carrie, tell me about you know what happened there of ofed her throughout the night, um eventually got into her house and waited for her to get home.

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Still why she's in the house?

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She didn't know he was there and he's messing her like she's downstairs and to Topeka, where he was from, buried it and then decided to skip the country and go to Belize.

00:08:21.422 --> 00:08:22.927
Was he extradited later back?

00:08:23.267 --> 00:08:23.588
He was.

00:08:23.588 --> 00:08:36.509
They got him, so that all happened.

00:08:36.509 --> 00:08:39.331
November 20th was when she was killed.

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Was he extradited later?

00:08:40.092 --> 00:08:50.567
Back, I mean from the Sheriff's Department to the US Marshals, to Omaha Police Department, to Topeka Police Department, shawnee County, I mean Douglas County Attorney's Office, I mean everyone was absolutely phenomenal.

00:08:51.080 --> 00:08:52.908
No, I can appreciate that.

00:08:52.908 --> 00:08:57.225
I want to stay here for a second with you.

00:08:57.225 --> 00:08:59.407
Know, it's a veteran, right?

00:08:59.407 --> 00:09:00.629
Just a natural reaction.

00:09:00.629 --> 00:09:12.292
And you've got the reactions like, man, that's a veteran who did that, you know.

00:09:12.292 --> 00:09:14.469
And you're not a veteran.

00:09:14.469 --> 00:09:16.059
No, no, you didn't serve, right.

00:09:16.059 --> 00:09:25.671
But here's the part where people have asked you and in my mind, the first thing I heard in my head say, well, isn't he angry?

00:09:25.671 --> 00:09:26.592
Right?

00:09:26.592 --> 00:09:29.908
That's just my gut reaction, like I'll just tell you.

00:09:29.908 --> 00:09:33.961
I'm going to speak this out loud because I want to articulate what I'm, what I felt.

00:09:33.961 --> 00:09:39.291
This guy, his ex-wife, was killed, you know, by a veteran.

00:09:39.291 --> 00:09:42.201
And why isn't he angry at veterans?

00:09:42.201 --> 00:09:42.501
Right?

00:09:42.501 --> 00:09:44.687
That was just a gut, no.

00:09:44.687 --> 00:09:46.210
But then I thought about it a little bit.

00:09:46.210 --> 00:09:48.072
I'm like this must be a good guy, I've got to meet him.

00:09:48.072 --> 00:09:51.448
So, brett, tell us your process of thinking.

00:09:51.448 --> 00:09:54.926
And you know, right when you found out he was a vet.

00:09:54.926 --> 00:09:56.269
So you've, oh well, you already knew.

00:09:56.309 --> 00:10:00.846
Yeah, you're right, we've done things together.

00:10:00.966 --> 00:10:03.071
Okay, so you guys got along.

00:10:03.091 --> 00:10:05.575
We got kids and all that stuff Okay.

00:10:08.902 --> 00:10:31.028
Yeah, I guess I mean, trust me, there is anger in here, but towards him, the act that he did, yes, but just the pain that came of it because of this act and, like I said, the conversations I've had to have with my son, I wish upon no one, but I know people have to have them.

00:10:31.028 --> 00:10:33.408
I mean, I'm not unique in that situation.

00:10:33.408 --> 00:10:42.392
So I really thought, you know, is there something that I can do to maybe help prevent this from happening to someone else?

00:10:42.392 --> 00:10:44.269
Because it is absolutely.

00:10:44.269 --> 00:10:53.861
I mean, I can replay so many conversations that I mean I just it's cringeworthy and you shouldn't have to have and no kid should have to hear.

00:10:53.982 --> 00:11:01.787
I can't imagine you here, even sitting in front of me, saying is there something I can do about this?

00:11:03.070 --> 00:11:13.284
I mean right yeah well, I mean you can either sit at home and do nothing and hope the world changes, or you can take an active role in trying to help facilitate change.

00:11:14.041 --> 00:11:18.168
But this happened to your son's mother, right?

00:11:18.168 --> 00:11:22.749
This happened to you as a family at some and, yes, she was your ex-wife.

00:11:22.749 --> 00:11:33.121
But the conversations you know to your son and all respect for your son and your family too I didn't think about it even before this interview.

00:11:33.121 --> 00:11:38.392
I hate telling my kids any bad news about anybody.

00:11:38.392 --> 00:11:39.134
You know what I mean.

00:11:39.134 --> 00:11:46.211
Oh, mom got hurt or mom had cancer or mom this, but would you care to share anything?

00:11:46.211 --> 00:11:46.432
Yeah?

00:11:46.432 --> 00:11:48.644
If you don't, it's okay.

00:11:50.602 --> 00:11:55.913
As parents, the worst thing to do is know your child is hurting and there's nothing you can do about that.

00:11:55.913 --> 00:12:00.711
I mean there's no salve you can put on it.

00:12:00.711 --> 00:12:02.386
You can't take them to the doctor, bandage it up.

00:12:02.386 --> 00:12:04.167
I mean, there's nothing you can do.

00:12:09.421 --> 00:12:19.631
It's true, and I think people need to realize that, that it no matter what you do, no matter how great of a dad you are your, your kid, has to grieve right, or the people who love that person have to grieve right, and and you can't bring, you know, a person back.

00:12:19.652 --> 00:12:23.626
you can't bring, you know, in this case, I can't bring carrie back and I can't replace Carrie.

00:12:23.626 --> 00:12:32.320
I mean, she was a phenomenal, phenomenal mother and there's no replacing that in any way, shape or form.

00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:36.048
So yeah, I just kind of I got to.

00:12:36.048 --> 00:12:43.735
You know, I needed to do something and this, you know, sounds like a good opportunity to get involved and do something and hopefully make a change for someone else out there.

00:12:43.735 --> 00:12:46.655
like a good opportunity to get involved and do something and hopefully make a change for someone else out there.

00:12:46.655 --> 00:12:52.129
It's been, it's pretty if you talk to me, and in time wise it's, it's still fresh, it's very fresh.

00:12:52.129 --> 00:12:58.816
I mean, it's not even a year yet, but it was in 2022, 2022.

00:12:58.816 --> 00:13:02.722
Okay, well, still a little a little less than three years, but you know you go through A little less than three years.

00:13:02.743 --> 00:13:12.032
But you go through, you know finding them, and then you go through, you know everything, through the core and the sentencing, and so it's like you think you've got a relief, and then something else happens.

00:13:12.032 --> 00:13:21.630
Something else happens after that, so you're continually reminded of, you know what people went through, so it's still very, very fresh.

00:13:22.379 --> 00:13:36.186
You know, when you go through something tragic, you always hear about the aftermath left behind and you know you could be sour and, like you said, there's anger, rightfully so, rightfully so.

00:13:36.186 --> 00:13:40.779
But again, you know we don't, we can't correlate to one thing.

00:13:40.779 --> 00:13:47.927
But you know this is where you are stepping out and saying hey, I think I heard it on your interview.

00:13:47.927 --> 00:13:53.350
You said what if we could prevent something like this from happening again?

00:13:53.350 --> 00:13:54.913
Think about it.

00:13:54.913 --> 00:14:08.772
And I think people who are and this is no justification but people who are in distress and have nowhere to go, do some harmful things either to themselves or other people.

00:14:08.772 --> 00:14:17.000
Right, and before this incident, had you thought about mental health or anything like that before?

00:14:17.000 --> 00:14:22.688
Or you know, just the well-being of humans, or has this really just elevated it to the top?

00:14:23.721 --> 00:14:28.683
I thought about it a little bit, but nothing, definitely not the level that I think about it now.

00:14:28.945 --> 00:14:33.706
Right, right, I mean, we're men, we're about the same age, I think.

00:14:33.706 --> 00:14:37.482
I think I'm older than you, but my point is this we didn't grow up.

00:14:37.482 --> 00:14:39.687
Hey, how's your mental health?

00:14:39.687 --> 00:14:41.172
No, not at all.

00:14:41.172 --> 00:14:43.985
Matter of fact, we don't talk about those things.

00:14:43.985 --> 00:14:46.168
You hush, you'll be fine.

00:14:46.168 --> 00:14:47.191
You're depressed?

00:14:47.191 --> 00:14:48.113
No, you're just tired.

00:14:48.113 --> 00:14:51.788
Right, Right, I mean, talk about it now.

00:14:51.788 --> 00:14:58.153
Like how crucial do you think it is to have the conversation or engage with those who we think need help.

00:14:59.181 --> 00:15:05.654
It's incredibly important and I think, as you said it, we hold in a lot of stuff and I think, as you said, we hold in a lot of stuff and I think still, we hold in a lot of stuff.

00:15:05.654 --> 00:15:25.432
Yes, and when you do that, eventually there's going to be a trigger, something that explodes, and whether it could be hurting yourself, hurting someone else, we have to get to a point where we're not allowing that to happen and to see the little things that we know need to get addressed.

00:15:25.432 --> 00:15:27.085
I'm still letting it fester.

00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:29.004
That's the word fester.

00:15:29.004 --> 00:15:29.365
We do.

00:15:29.365 --> 00:15:35.293
You know how much stuff that hold on from last week, dumb stuff, you know.

00:15:35.293 --> 00:15:36.706
And here we are, the week of the March.

00:15:36.706 --> 00:15:39.589
I promise you I've got stress underlying here.

00:15:39.589 --> 00:15:44.027
I've got frustration, I have passion.

00:15:44.027 --> 00:15:44.500
I have.

00:15:44.500 --> 00:15:46.326
I'm tired too, too.

00:15:46.326 --> 00:15:47.590
Let me look at the eyes, bro.

00:15:47.590 --> 00:15:50.024
I gotta make some sleep.

00:15:50.024 --> 00:15:50.825
But?

00:15:50.825 --> 00:15:54.291
But in society we're taught to brush it off.

00:15:54.291 --> 00:15:56.293
Yeah, it'll be fine.

00:15:56.293 --> 00:16:03.133
Um, it'll be fine, as probably the biggest statement to tell ourselves it'll be fine, it really will it.

00:16:03.220 --> 00:16:03.701
There's nothing.

00:16:03.701 --> 00:16:04.698
Let me go outside cool down for a minute and it'll be fine.

00:16:04.698 --> 00:16:04.924
It really will, it is.

00:16:04.924 --> 00:16:06.662
Let me go outside, cool down for a minute and it'll be fine, it's gone.

00:16:06.662 --> 00:16:09.931
Then you know, once you you've dealt with that way, it's gone.

00:16:09.931 --> 00:16:11.682
Obviously it's not stone.

00:16:11.763 --> 00:16:17.121
So do you engage now with people who, who you think you know, veteran or not?

00:16:17.121 --> 00:16:25.951
Just it makes some people uncomfortable, brett, for when you see someone crying for help right, and sometimes they're not crying for help the signs aren't so obvious.

00:16:25.951 --> 00:16:28.589
But I'll tell you I'll engage now.

00:16:28.589 --> 00:16:45.972
And if I suspect you know, there's just some kind of crisis or hurting inside, I'm not some kind of empath junkie where I want to take over their problems, but I do want to confront them in a respectful way and say, hey, I'm here to engage and get you to the next step.

00:16:45.972 --> 00:16:49.489
The last thing I want to do, brother, is save anybody.

00:16:49.489 --> 00:16:50.351
That's not my job.

00:16:50.351 --> 00:16:52.748
My job is to get you to the next step.

00:16:54.780 --> 00:16:56.769
And unless someone wants to be saved, you can't save them.

00:16:56.769 --> 00:16:58.522
I mean, they have to want to be saved.

00:16:58.522 --> 00:16:59.582
Yeah, it's true.

00:16:59.582 --> 00:17:17.943
But your point, yeah, I mean I think when I see someone and there's probably more people that I know that they're struggling with something, I think I'm a pretty good person that they can come to and talk to, and obviously I've had some experience with that dealing with things.

00:17:17.943 --> 00:17:26.864
Yeah, so I think a lot of people do you know, kind of reach out to me a little bit day-to-day life, whether it's at work or outside work.

00:17:27.345 --> 00:17:32.279
Yeah, you know what, I just never really thought about it, even before this conversation.

00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:35.242
You know, I never, really never, took your son into account.

00:17:35.242 --> 00:17:46.396
Right On the surface, I saw you, I didn't see, but you know and I think that's that's the hardest part.

00:17:46.416 --> 00:17:47.099
I mean us as adults.

00:17:47.099 --> 00:17:48.605
I think we, we can, like you know we, we can deal with it.

00:17:48.605 --> 00:17:53.181
But when you think about what your, your kids are going through, I mean you, you can't and you can't deal with that because you can't fix that.

00:17:53.181 --> 00:17:54.826
And we always want to be fixers.

00:17:54.826 --> 00:18:11.239
True, true, we've seen better.

00:18:11.239 --> 00:18:14.103
Right, we hit rock bottom a few times to get to where we're at.

00:18:14.103 --> 00:18:24.965
Most kids have a traumatic event, maybe here or there, maybe an life, but like all, the, all of his milestones that she misses Um, and I think those are the things that um kind of hurt the most.

00:18:24.965 --> 00:18:31.439
It's like I mean, he's going to be graduating this year, senior right, you know parents night you know stuff like that, yeah, yeah.

00:18:31.920 --> 00:18:43.416
Uh, so I think those are the moments that still really get me get me the most.

00:18:43.436 --> 00:18:45.826
I I I could feel your energy right now like, uh, and it's okay, you don't have to hold any emotion back here.

00:18:45.826 --> 00:18:47.192
Man, do you get to talk about this like this right now?

00:18:47.192 --> 00:18:49.578
We're talking in front of a lot of people.

00:18:49.578 --> 00:18:51.163
That's going to be a large audience, right?

00:18:51.163 --> 00:18:55.817
I mean, I know you probably do talk to people, but have you been this open?

00:18:55.817 --> 00:18:56.637
I saw, saw the news.

00:18:56.637 --> 00:18:58.358
It was a quick three, four minutes.

00:19:00.681 --> 00:19:01.941
For groups of people, not really.

00:19:01.941 --> 00:19:10.287
I've had some private conversations with people, but no, not a lot.

00:19:10.287 --> 00:19:13.829
Yeah, I think you know people still to this day is like how are you doing?

00:19:13.829 --> 00:19:14.430
I'm fine.

00:19:14.931 --> 00:19:15.871
Yeah, that's okay.

00:19:15.871 --> 00:19:17.491
I do want to talk about this, right?

00:19:17.491 --> 00:20:03.275
No-transcript.

00:20:03.275 --> 00:20:04.601
He's your, he's a guy.

00:20:04.601 --> 00:20:05.685
Right, he's a dude.

00:20:05.685 --> 00:20:06.167
He's a man.

00:20:06.167 --> 00:20:11.145
Engage and be friendly and if he wants to share the story with you, good for you guys.

00:20:11.414 --> 00:20:14.223
But I guess I'm not fragile, I'm not going to break.

00:20:15.326 --> 00:20:19.368
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy, though, you know, just as we were getting ready for this.

00:20:19.368 --> 00:20:21.270
Hey, is there anything you want me to stay away from?

00:20:21.270 --> 00:20:27.506
I just want to be respectful, but really I just want to talk about everything that surrounds it.

00:20:27.506 --> 00:20:33.527
You know what I mean For mental health, for for the people affected, for the people who may be affected.

00:20:33.527 --> 00:20:41.347
I just we talk about being, oh okay, we'll get some help, we got some counseling, we're good.

00:20:41.347 --> 00:20:43.702
It goes beyond that.

00:20:43.702 --> 00:20:46.463
It goes to accountability, finding a tribe.

00:20:46.463 --> 00:20:52.746
What have you noticed, probably lately, about your healing journey?

00:20:52.746 --> 00:20:54.269
What have you noticed?

00:20:54.269 --> 00:20:59.414
I'm not asking you has it gotten better, Because that's not a question I'm asking.

00:20:59.414 --> 00:21:01.824
I'm asking you heal right.

00:21:01.824 --> 00:21:03.119
Sometimes there's a big old scar.

00:21:03.461 --> 00:21:11.011
Yeah, but I think everything I think comes in waves.

00:21:11.934 --> 00:21:15.862
Yeah, I think we have I have a good set of I mean.

00:21:15.862 --> 00:21:38.406
I'll have weeks and weeks where I'm pretty good, pretty good, but then something I mean and it could be nothing, it could be you're driving in your car and you see something, a place you drive by, a place that you had done something with, or you hear a song that you know, the words kind of resonate with you and it's that those, those moments are, when it's quiet, that you kind of get kicked in the gut a little bit.

00:21:38.406 --> 00:21:43.941
Yeah, when it's quiet, um, that you kind of get kicked in the gut a little bit.

00:21:43.941 --> 00:21:47.490
Yeah, um, so it's, I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm still trying to figure out this journey a little bit.

00:21:47.490 --> 00:21:54.415
But yeah, I think getting out there and talking about a little bit more which I I have done, um, it helps and I think it helps people being around me.

00:21:54.415 --> 00:21:57.522
Yeah, I'm okay talking about it.

00:21:57.522 --> 00:22:03.623
Yeah, I, actually I can talk about it pretty good, except for when I start talking about my son and the effects it has on my son.

00:22:03.643 --> 00:22:04.486
That's I can see that.

00:22:04.486 --> 00:22:06.061
That's why I started up a little bit.

00:22:06.061 --> 00:22:07.470
Yeah, I saw that you got glossy.

00:22:07.470 --> 00:22:09.256
Yeah for sure that's when your energy changed.

00:22:09.256 --> 00:22:12.121
Yeah, I mean senior year.

00:22:12.121 --> 00:22:13.202
You know this is.

00:22:13.202 --> 00:22:18.979
This is his year to graduate, to become a man and go out to the world.

00:22:18.979 --> 00:22:28.176
You've got to enjoy this year, though you have to enjoy this year right of spending the time.

00:22:28.176 --> 00:22:31.142
There's a parent out there, probably in some similar situation.

00:22:31.142 --> 00:22:33.144
They're single parenting right now.

00:22:33.144 --> 00:22:36.528
What's your advice to them to keep it together?

00:22:38.315 --> 00:22:38.715
To keep it together.

00:22:38.715 --> 00:22:51.462
I think, just be there as much as you can for your kids, because you're hurting and you have to be okay with yourself if you're going to be able to be there and strong with your kids.

00:22:51.462 --> 00:22:56.064
So you know, if you need to talk with someone, talk with them.

00:22:56.064 --> 00:22:58.201
It's okay to have your kids see that you're hurting.

00:22:58.201 --> 00:22:59.025
I think that shows them that you know.

00:22:59.025 --> 00:22:59.346
Talk with them.

00:22:59.346 --> 00:23:00.713
Um, it's okay to let you have your kids see that you're hurting.

00:23:00.713 --> 00:23:03.223
Yeah, I think that shows them that you know you care too.

00:23:03.223 --> 00:23:04.701
It's just not them in the fight.

00:23:04.701 --> 00:23:09.165
Um, my son has seen me, you know, break down many times, yeah.

00:23:09.654 --> 00:23:11.201
Um, does that happen out of nowhere?

00:23:12.035 --> 00:23:20.826
Um, sometimes I mean, yeah, uh, well, we'll be doing something and you'll think of, like man, she would really like to been here, yeah.

00:23:21.286 --> 00:23:23.788
Yeah, and you know she would have.

00:23:24.109 --> 00:23:27.181
Okay, yeah, that that just doesn't go away.

00:23:27.181 --> 00:23:28.564
No, it doesn't go away.

00:23:28.564 --> 00:23:43.826
But I think you know it's okay to show your kids that you're missing them too, and I think I think that helps them to talk about it and see that they're not alone, like they aren't the only one that's hurting here, and it's a journey together.

00:23:43.826 --> 00:23:46.267
We just try and figure it out at the same time.

00:23:46.907 --> 00:23:47.708
That's important.

00:23:47.708 --> 00:24:01.438
I think there are people in this situation where they're listening right now and they're watching the podcast and they're saying, man, I haven't talked about mom or dad who passed, or they just don't see anymore.

00:24:01.438 --> 00:24:04.684
Parents don't talk about it.

00:24:04.684 --> 00:24:06.935
Sometimes the grandparents don't talk about it.

00:24:06.935 --> 00:24:15.797
Sometimes people get sour and people get you know weird about the relationship of not talking anymore.

00:24:15.797 --> 00:24:18.342
Is that a big fat waste of time?

00:24:19.022 --> 00:24:38.166
I mean in the scheme of it since 2022, all the things that, and we don't need to go down a list, but were there times where maybe a feud, or conversations or anger, pain and hurt, you know, in between people who couldn't connect, hurt, you know, and between people who couldn't connect?

00:24:38.166 --> 00:24:40.048
Isn't that just a big waste of time?

00:24:41.695 --> 00:24:42.878
It is.

00:24:42.878 --> 00:24:47.868
I mean, I can't even explain how many times that something has happened in the last three years.

00:24:47.868 --> 00:25:02.983
I've heard something and not to dismiss what people are going through, but things that people like concentrate on and think that you know it was such a big deal or something I was like, in the grand scheme of things, it's very small.

00:25:02.983 --> 00:25:08.045
Yeah, I mean, let's take an inventory of what's really important in our lives.

00:25:08.546 --> 00:25:26.407
Yes, brother, we talk about the things that are in our way, our obstacles and goals and, like you said, not to minimize anything, but but you know, in my mind I'm like do you, do you even know what he's been through, or do you know what people like you go through?

00:25:26.407 --> 00:25:35.057
And then we talk about there's a line at the grocery store there's 37 minutes to Bellevue, right, like, like what are?

00:25:35.137 --> 00:25:36.099
what are we really mad at?

00:25:36.099 --> 00:25:37.242
I mean, that's true.

00:25:37.242 --> 00:25:39.688
And all those things they'll pass.

00:25:39.688 --> 00:25:41.961
I mean you'll eventually get to Bellevue.

00:25:41.961 --> 00:25:50.943
I mean hopefully you pack the lunch, but I mean you'll eventually get there and those things will pass, and what's crazy is some things won't right.

00:25:51.134 --> 00:25:52.240
Some things will never be again.

00:25:52.675 --> 00:25:56.505
It's just like the march it's going to hurt and it's going to be painful and we're very tired.

00:25:59.914 --> 00:26:01.825
But eventually it will pass after 22 hours and 15 minutes.

00:26:01.825 --> 00:26:03.555
So, yes, I want to talk about the pain of the march.

00:26:03.555 --> 00:26:08.521
22 hours, right, we're talking about things that will pass, things that will subside.

00:26:08.521 --> 00:26:15.624
Brother, this is 120,000 steps, 22 hours, minimal stops.

00:26:15.624 --> 00:26:20.375
We're talking gravel rock, whatever they call it.

00:26:20.375 --> 00:26:22.237
Crush a limestone, I call it dirt.

00:26:22.237 --> 00:26:23.698
I call it dirt.

00:26:23.698 --> 00:26:37.962
I call it a little trail, a little alleyway, yes, and while it might be 81 to 86 degrees, whatever backpack on your back, I mean, first of all, you know you're not showering for 24 hours, bro.

00:26:37.962 --> 00:26:45.586
I mean you get friendly real quick, please, when you watch this and you're a marcher, you better wear deodorant.

00:26:45.586 --> 00:26:46.925
Yeah, pack it.

00:26:46.925 --> 00:26:50.567
So what's one thing that you're going to pack that maybe nobody thinks about?

00:26:50.567 --> 00:26:52.709
What's one thing you felt like maybe I should do this.

00:26:52.709 --> 00:26:54.608
I know, putting you on the spot, I don't know.

00:26:54.628 --> 00:26:55.829
I mean besides the deodorant.

00:26:55.829 --> 00:27:00.151
I mean I don't know I'm trying to pack with me very minimal.

00:27:00.392 --> 00:27:01.491
All right, I'm going to tell you this.

00:27:01.491 --> 00:27:02.872
Pack a toothbrush, brother.

00:27:02.872 --> 00:27:09.741
Okay, you probably didn't think about it, you probably did, but I'm going to tell you right now new breath, new life.

00:27:09.741 --> 00:27:11.145
Swear to you, brother.

00:27:11.145 --> 00:27:15.423
Pack a toothbrush, 20 hours in a little rinse.

00:27:15.423 --> 00:27:18.655
Well, you feel like a new person.

00:27:18.655 --> 00:27:19.396
That Little little little rants.

00:27:19.396 --> 00:27:20.117
Well, you feel like a new person.

00:27:20.117 --> 00:27:20.877
That's good stuff, oh, trust me.

00:27:20.897 --> 00:27:30.107
So let's talk about the symbolic pain of life, because this is 22 hours and it symbolizes, you know, 22 lives lost.

00:27:30.107 --> 00:27:33.211
You know a day, you know, with veterans.

00:27:33.211 --> 00:27:38.787
Isn't that crazy, you know, I know the statistic might be 17-ish now, or what have you.

00:27:38.787 --> 00:27:43.377
It's just been talked about 22, one life too many, right, just one a day, even.

00:27:43.377 --> 00:28:02.192
But we're also talking about those who are alive, still battling without shelter over there, and homelessness, right, homelessness doesn't mean you're a hobo in the street, extreme, where you have nothing and you're sleeping there for 122 days straight.

00:28:02.192 --> 00:28:07.047
It means that you don't have an address to call your own and you've got a couch.

00:28:07.047 --> 00:28:16.109
Surf, sleep in cars, have temporary roommates, crash with buddies, sleep at your aunt's house, sleep at your grandparents.

00:28:16.109 --> 00:28:25.647
That's part of homelessness and I remember the shame through that, but the pain that our veterans feel this is where we're going to find the best of us.

00:28:25.647 --> 00:28:27.839
Bro, this is a what.

00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:29.083
What part do you think you're?

00:28:29.083 --> 00:28:30.105
This is your first year.

00:28:30.105 --> 00:28:32.076
What part are you most worried about?

00:28:32.076 --> 00:28:34.580
Like, there's gotta be something most worried.

00:28:35.662 --> 00:28:37.204
I mean, if you ask my friends, it would be.

00:28:37.204 --> 00:28:42.521
When I get tired I get really cranky, oh good, so just beware Red Latune.

00:28:42.521 --> 00:28:45.201
Yes, I'm glad you're not in mine.

00:28:45.201 --> 00:28:49.925
I think it's probably just the weight on my back.

00:28:49.925 --> 00:28:51.180
I mean, I have a bad back.

00:28:51.536 --> 00:28:52.815
Okay, well, how much weight are you carrying?

00:28:52.914 --> 00:28:54.080
Not very much, but it doesn't matter.

00:28:54.474 --> 00:28:55.517
I know, but you don't have to.

00:28:55.576 --> 00:28:58.643
You know that right, yeah, oh no, I'm going minimal in my bag.

00:28:58.643 --> 00:29:01.028
Okay, good, I'm going as minimal as possible.

00:29:01.067 --> 00:29:08.093
Yes, trust me, even that bag full of two liter water and a few other trinkets in there will weigh a hundred pounds by the time you're done.

00:29:08.093 --> 00:29:10.221
No, I know the chafing alone.

00:29:10.221 --> 00:29:11.957
Brother, how much have you trained?

00:29:12.837 --> 00:29:16.804
I go out three to four times doing five five-ish miles.

00:29:16.804 --> 00:29:18.866
Okay, good, A couple of longer ones.

00:29:19.106 --> 00:29:20.489
Yeah, so you feel pretty.

00:29:20.489 --> 00:29:21.411
How about the feet, brother?

00:29:21.411 --> 00:29:24.521
That's what's going to play a part, my feet so far are pretty good.

00:29:24.541 --> 00:29:25.967
Okay, wear some wood here.

00:29:25.967 --> 00:29:28.595
Yeah, there it is, because that's going to change Saturday and Sunday.

00:29:28.654 --> 00:29:32.017
That's so funny because I'm going to play this clip back over and over again.

00:29:32.017 --> 00:29:32.857
My feet are good.

00:29:32.877 --> 00:29:36.160
I said that's going to change.

00:29:36.660 --> 00:29:39.662
I'm telling you right now protect those feet, man, you got to.

00:29:39.662 --> 00:29:42.103
Everyone is different.

00:29:42.103 --> 00:29:49.807
I wear toe socks and another like a merino wool sock to keep the moisture off of it, and it's a whole routine.

00:29:49.807 --> 00:29:50.509
Here's the other part.

00:29:50.509 --> 00:29:56.211
I'm telling you change every stop, oh yeah, if you don't, you'll regret it Again.

00:29:56.211 --> 00:29:58.757
New clothes, new life that's how I feel.

00:29:58.777 --> 00:30:12.769
It's like a reset, you know, but symbolically, when we get down into a spiral which I'm sure you've been there, right you disengage and you stop brushing your teeth, you stop taking a shower every day.

00:30:12.769 --> 00:30:16.178
I'm not saying you, I'm telling you about me.

00:30:16.178 --> 00:30:26.190
But, man, sometimes you just got to brush your teeth, throw on a new set of clothes, pick your chin up and be accountable to the people around you.

00:30:26.190 --> 00:30:32.778
Right, because the 50-mile march is not the 50-mile one-man march, it's the 50-mile.

00:30:32.778 --> 00:30:35.025
Let's get together with other crazy people.

00:30:35.025 --> 00:30:35.605
March, right.

00:30:35.605 --> 00:30:38.038
And the part of that is accountability.

00:30:38.038 --> 00:30:46.656
Brett, you know, in your healing journey, who did you lean on for accountability, or did you lean on people to to pull you out of the, pull you through?

00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:53.449
ah, I I'm probably really bad at laying on people um yeah, see, there you go.

00:30:53.548 --> 00:30:54.655
Let's talk about if you're bad.

00:30:54.655 --> 00:30:56.638
I want to know how bad like let's.

00:30:56.638 --> 00:30:58.280
Let's just be honest here.

00:30:59.001 --> 00:31:01.246
I mean, I definitely had some friends.

00:31:01.246 --> 00:31:07.202
I confided in my folks a lot, Okay, yeah, so there are people you lean on, there are some people.

00:31:07.202 --> 00:31:12.611
And I went and I sought some help out you know a couple years later Good professional help, good, good.

00:31:12.611 --> 00:31:17.563
So I think people brought it to my attention that I was not being myself.

00:31:17.563 --> 00:31:28.696
I mean I was short with things and just wasn't in the right mindset and I didn't whether I saw that myself or not.

00:31:28.717 --> 00:31:33.387
I mean I think I kind of felt it we're going to be fine, right, and you're going to be okay, right, and you weren't going to do anything bad.

00:31:33.387 --> 00:31:36.796
But you know what you're doing, right.

00:31:36.796 --> 00:31:37.576
You're placing yourself second.

00:31:37.576 --> 00:31:41.680
Whenever you do that, whenever you say I'm going to be fine, you're probably one of those DIY guys.

00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:42.980
You can probably do a lot of stuff.

00:31:42.980 --> 00:31:43.882
Are you handy?

00:31:43.882 --> 00:31:46.825
I'm a little handy, okay, see, that's another symptom.

00:31:46.825 --> 00:31:48.526
I'm just, I'm generalizing here.

00:31:48.526 --> 00:32:01.674
But anyone who is independent, handy, do-it-yourselfer researcher, I can do it.

00:32:01.674 --> 00:32:02.435
I don't need anyone's help.

00:32:02.435 --> 00:32:03.476
I'll push the car up the driveway myself.

00:32:03.476 --> 00:32:08.118
Usually, when they get into a bad situation, they try to do it DIY too.

00:32:08.239 --> 00:32:08.939
And full disclosure.

00:32:08.939 --> 00:32:13.601
I mean, I probably didn't necessarily seek out the help for myself initially.

00:32:13.601 --> 00:32:18.784
I wanted to repair those relationships that I think were breaking because I wasn't myself, oh yeah.

00:32:18.784 --> 00:32:24.626
And so you know it was kind of like okay, I'm going to hurt this relationship and this relationship if I don't fix me.

00:32:24.626 --> 00:32:26.268
So that's kind of.

00:32:26.268 --> 00:32:30.930
I mean, they, my friends, definitely pushed me in that direction.

00:32:31.430 --> 00:32:37.313
But you were accountable at least to your friends Right To say hey, I want to keep this into place again.

00:32:37.313 --> 00:32:39.676
We're using other people, though.

00:32:39.676 --> 00:32:43.285
Okay, okay, I'm going to do this for them, but when do you do it for you?

00:32:43.285 --> 00:32:46.378
Did you do it for you, or when did you start doing it for you?

00:32:47.942 --> 00:33:05.222
I, I think I I mean I did it for me too um, when I realized that it was hurting other aspects of my life yeah, it was everything I think I had bottled up was going out, yeah, um, and I'd I mean not to get too, too deep, but other stuff had.

00:33:05.222 --> 00:33:12.070
I had been made aware of some other stuff that really hit home, yeah, um, and that images you can't get out of your, your mind.

00:33:12.070 --> 00:33:25.646
Yeah, and I think those were really really bothering me, and so I went out and and I sought some help and it was some of the exercises they had me do were amazing and very helpful.

00:33:26.315 --> 00:33:28.819
Trauma is real, you know physical, mental.

00:33:28.819 --> 00:33:32.227
You know any trauma I mean.

00:33:32.227 --> 00:33:38.182
And when I say real, everyone deals with it different, you know, have you ever seen?

00:33:38.182 --> 00:33:40.767
Um, it's your son's name is Brendan Brendan.

00:33:40.767 --> 00:33:41.689
Brendan, yeah, brendan.

00:33:41.689 --> 00:33:45.163
Uh, have you ever seen him crash on a bike when he was a little kid?

00:33:45.163 --> 00:33:52.136
Absolutely Right, you're like, oh man, it's hard to see, right, but you can't unsee that, right, and that's just, that's a bike crash by your kid.

00:33:52.136 --> 00:33:58.885
Right, there are things that veterans see better and see that you can't unsee.

00:33:58.885 --> 00:34:03.310
And you know, even when you close your eyes, the images don't go away.

00:34:03.310 --> 00:34:05.438
And that's trauma for everybody.

00:34:05.438 --> 00:34:07.826
And I think you hit it on key is it's so important?

00:34:07.826 --> 00:34:20.228
You know, sometimes we look at these counselors or psychologists, psychiatrists or these therapists and we prejudge them to say how are you going to fix me?

00:34:20.228 --> 00:34:24.545
That is, I think, everyone in most people.

00:34:24.545 --> 00:34:27.362
They walk into a situation and say how are you going to fix me?

00:34:27.362 --> 00:34:28.887
They're not.

00:34:28.887 --> 00:34:32.965
They're going to help you process so you can fix yourself.

00:34:33.496 --> 00:34:35.603
Give you some tools to help you fix yourself.

00:34:36.476 --> 00:34:39.896
Some of the exercises I'm not going to lie to you are, like, what you want me to do?

00:34:39.896 --> 00:34:40.317
What?

00:34:40.317 --> 00:34:52.123
Like you know, there's a I don't know what the name of the therapy is, but it's a vibrating disc in two hands, and what happens is it alternates.

00:34:52.123 --> 00:34:55.489
And I said to myself what is this?

00:34:55.489 --> 00:34:57.217
You know, it would vibrate.

00:34:57.217 --> 00:35:00.646
Close your eyes, it would vibrate here, it would vibrate here, and it's a pattern.

00:35:00.646 --> 00:35:12.891
Apparently, it works on the hemispheres of the brain and stimulates some sort of feeling that takes anxiety away, you know, or trauma away.

00:35:12.891 --> 00:35:17.501
And I'm not going to lie to you, it works.

00:35:17.501 --> 00:35:19.958
You know what I mean, but you have to believe it works too.

00:35:19.958 --> 00:35:24.659
So so there's people out there right now that what's the first step?

00:35:24.659 --> 00:35:27.807
I don't even know what to do, brett, like, what should I do?

00:35:27.807 --> 00:35:28.936
What do?

00:35:28.976 --> 00:35:38.782
you say the first step is just, uh, make a call to get help and that, and once you get in there they will help lead you yeah you don't have to.

00:35:38.782 --> 00:35:41.668
Okay, I'm going and this is going to be what I'm going to do.

00:35:41.668 --> 00:35:45.666
They will lead you to kind of where you need to go.

00:35:45.666 --> 00:35:50.347
Yeah, and by whatever your story is, give you the tools to help address that story.

00:35:50.875 --> 00:35:53.284
Did you ever feel like you didn't have time in the beginning.

00:35:53.284 --> 00:35:56.556
Oh man, I ain't got time for this, absolutely, I still don't have time.

00:35:56.757 --> 00:35:58.038
I mean you have to make.

00:35:58.038 --> 00:35:58.898
You have to make time for it.

00:35:58.898 --> 00:35:59.539
Yeah, um.

00:35:59.539 --> 00:36:16.449
No, I mean and in my situation, you know, you know now a single father raising a kid, you know, taking care of a house, going to work, um, to try to sneak that in, and then when you're my your kids around, you want to be present for them, so you don't want to be going off doing something else.

00:36:16.469 --> 00:36:17.409
I mean it's hard.

00:36:17.489 --> 00:36:22.492
I mean to find time for yourself, but I mean you need to do it.

00:36:26.561 --> 00:36:30.802
I want to highlight this because you're not sharing custody with anybody anymore per se.

00:36:30.802 --> 00:36:33.661
You're not co-parenting with anybody right now.

00:36:33.661 --> 00:36:34.958
It's just you.

00:36:34.958 --> 00:36:39.125
You know and we were talking about this earlier Single dad.

00:36:39.125 --> 00:36:42.485
I don't hear too many people go hey, you know, I'm a single dad, right?

00:36:42.485 --> 00:36:46.215
Do you look at yourself as a single dad, like?

00:36:46.215 --> 00:36:47.440
Or do you when?

00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:51.583
When you say, oh, you're a single dad, what does that I think I'm just, I'm the parent.

00:36:52.315 --> 00:36:56.838
I mean I'm the parent Probably doesn't get the best of both worlds like he had.

00:36:56.838 --> 00:37:06.958
I mean, that's fair, I can handle the sports and stuff, but all the school and the academics and what class you're supposed to sign up and doctor's appointments that was not my wheelhouse.

00:37:06.958 --> 00:37:09.143
Yeah, yeah, think about that.

00:37:09.143 --> 00:37:13.541
You know, we, we take a lot of things for advantage.

00:37:13.561 --> 00:37:18.896
Yeah, no, I, I get that man, I just, I don't know what I would do.

00:37:18.896 --> 00:37:22.659
You know whether it's one child, four children or what have you?

00:37:22.659 --> 00:37:28.625
Um, has, has, what is?

00:37:28.625 --> 00:37:30.326
Uh, it's Brandon Brandon.

00:37:30.326 --> 00:37:32.327
What is Brandon's sentiment now to you Like?

00:37:32.327 --> 00:37:37.411
Has he said anything to you lately that just you're like, oh man, that's so good.

00:37:37.411 --> 00:37:40.335
Um, he's pretty quiet, he's pretty quiet.

00:37:40.335 --> 00:37:42.161
He's getting to be a man.

00:37:42.956 --> 00:37:43.699
And he's bigger than me.

00:37:45.117 --> 00:37:45.719
I did see that brother.

00:37:45.860 --> 00:37:46.884
There or not.

00:37:46.884 --> 00:37:54.766
So he is the most chilled laid back guy.

00:37:54.766 --> 00:38:03.605
I mean, that's a young man that I could hope for and if he was probably any other child, I don't know if I would have been able to handle this.

00:38:03.605 --> 00:38:28.697
Yeah, yeah, I think he worries about me, that's fair, and I worry about I mean, we're short story, we're so, we're at the trial and we both had a, we both had to testify at the trial, and I went, I went before him, had to testify at the trial, um, and I went, I went before him, um, and I guess when I was at the truck, the trial um, he was with the victim's advocate out in the room and the guy's like you know, how are you doing?

00:38:28.737 --> 00:38:36.922
because he was gonna go right after me and he's like I'm fine oh, while you were testifying, so he didn't see most of it, or any did he see.

00:38:36.922 --> 00:38:37.903
Did he see any of it?

00:38:37.903 --> 00:38:39.927
So he was worried for you.

00:38:40.135 --> 00:38:42.402
He was worried for me, which is like, which is crazy?

00:38:42.402 --> 00:38:43.684
Kids aren't supposed to worry about their parents.

00:38:43.846 --> 00:38:45.740
No, and parents weren't supposed to worry about the kids.

00:38:45.740 --> 00:38:48.905
He was 16.

00:38:48.905 --> 00:38:51.342
16 at that time Think about that for a second.

00:38:51.342 --> 00:38:52.248
That's crazy.

00:38:52.248 --> 00:38:56.545
Most 16 year olds don't even know what they're going to wear for school today.

00:38:56.545 --> 00:38:59.943
And he said at the time I'm worried about my dad.

00:39:01.135 --> 00:39:03.121
See, that's when you know you guys did a good job.

00:39:03.121 --> 00:39:04.563
He is, he is amazing.

00:39:04.563 --> 00:39:13.469
Yeah, man, you know, I, I just I don't, I haven't thought about all the dimensions of this conversation.

00:39:13.469 --> 00:39:24.224
You know, again, just I don't prejudge myge, my guests, because I want the connection to be pure, you know, and I want it to be true.

00:39:24.224 --> 00:39:29.288
I want to share your story so other people don't have to suffer.

00:39:29.288 --> 00:39:44.960
And this is such a great example, though, of how the human spirit, you know, grows even in adversity, right, of how the human spirit grows even in adversity, right, it's dumb sometimes, or is it dumb when people say, hey, are you ever going to get over it?

00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:46.661
You don't get over it, you don't get over it.

00:39:46.961 --> 00:39:51.324
That's what I'm saying and I want to make sure, educationally, that people listen to that.

00:39:51.324 --> 00:39:53.586
Hey, man, are?

00:39:53.786 --> 00:39:57.869
you getting over it Like no, you get through it, but you never get over it.

00:39:57.869 --> 00:39:59.612
Right, a hundred percent.

00:39:59.612 --> 00:40:13.922
Yeah, man, since I've known you again, I don't know you outside of our conversations and I'm sure we've never hung out but, man, the inspiration that you have set, I want you to know.

00:40:13.922 --> 00:40:20.956
There are whispers in the galley, right where people are, man, that guy is that's a good dude, you know they're whispering.

00:40:20.956 --> 00:40:21.960
That's a good you know.

00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:25.981
You hear all the whispers and I'm sure you hear it, I'm sure you feel it right.

00:40:25.981 --> 00:40:32.936
But it's all been positive, man, it's all been positive here.

00:40:32.936 --> 00:40:44.601
We are less than a few days away, bro, I know, dude are less than a few days away, bro, I know, dude, yeah, this it's good.

00:40:44.621 --> 00:40:45.143
But, um, what do you hope to?

00:40:45.143 --> 00:40:48.355
What do you hope to accomplish after this, just when you get to the end after all this?

00:40:48.355 --> 00:40:52.000
First of all, you've got hundreds of miles in.

00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:53.762
You know you can do this.

00:40:53.762 --> 00:40:54.742
You look fit.

00:40:54.742 --> 00:41:02.157
Anyway, your feet are all right right now, right now, right now, uh, you're busy, dad.

00:41:02.157 --> 00:41:06.487
You spent probably a good two, three, four hundred bucks on gear, I'm sure by now.

00:41:06.487 --> 00:41:14.460
Right, what do you hope, um, to to see at the end of this for yourself?

00:41:14.460 --> 00:41:16.862
I want you to be selfish at the end of this for yourself.

00:41:16.862 --> 00:41:18.302
I want you to be selfish for my for yourself.

00:41:18.322 --> 00:41:21.525
A to accomplish it, okay, um, uh.

00:41:21.525 --> 00:41:22.206
And B.

00:41:22.206 --> 00:41:27.150
I kind of want to show my son that we can.

00:41:27.150 --> 00:41:31.052
We can, we can do hard things if we put our mind to it.

00:41:31.052 --> 00:41:40.867
Um, and we want to help other people, Um, and so I want him to see what I'm doing as a very positive thing.

00:41:40.867 --> 00:41:41.496
Yeah, um.

00:41:41.496 --> 00:41:43.983
Before I even signed up for this, I asked him if he was okay with it.

00:41:43.983 --> 00:41:44.956
Oh, yeah.

00:41:44.956 --> 00:41:46.019
I mean cause I.

00:41:46.019 --> 00:41:48.106
I mean I don't you know cause you don't know how he felt.

00:41:48.494 --> 00:41:48.876
Yeah, I don't know.

00:41:48.876 --> 00:42:00.762
I want him to understand the reason why I did this, yeah, um, and to see how hard it is and that I'm willing to do this and put my body through it, um, and get the story out there to help other people.

00:42:00.762 --> 00:42:12.360
So I, I kind of I want him to be able to see that in me, um, what I'm doing, um, and then that everyone else sees that I mean, we talk about you know, you know, you know Carrie was killed and all this.

00:42:12.360 --> 00:42:28.284
But it's not just that, it's not just the veteran that is suffering, um, and whether veteran takes his own life, there's other people around that are going to suffer, yeah, whether they have kids, they, they have a spouse, siblings, mom, dad, they're, they're all going to be hurt if that, yeah, um.

00:42:28.284 --> 00:42:33.099
So I think I mean really just, you know getting this story out there.

00:42:33.099 --> 00:42:34.742
You know modeling behaviors.

00:42:34.802 --> 00:42:38.128
I want my son yes, if the, if nothing else, right.

00:42:38.128 --> 00:42:46.485
He's going to say my dad did this selflessly to show me how to be a better man.

00:42:46.485 --> 00:42:52.822
That's pretty cool, bro, See, and you were at the mission briefing weren't you.

00:42:53.023 --> 00:42:56.018
Where I said stop telling your kids what to do Right.

00:42:56.018 --> 00:42:56.820
Show them what to do.

00:42:56.820 --> 00:42:58.465
Did you hear that loud and clear?

00:42:58.465 --> 00:42:59.675
Absolutely, brother.

00:42:59.675 --> 00:43:03.326
Stop telling your kids to be a star athlete.

00:43:03.326 --> 00:43:08.945
Stop telling your kids to you know, aspire to be something that you weren't.

00:43:08.945 --> 00:43:15.414
Show them who you are and you'd only be so lucky that they model your behavior.

00:43:15.414 --> 00:43:31.831
You know everyone's kids are different and what I hope most for my kids is that they can think on their own, that they share a little bit more if they have a little more right.

00:43:31.831 --> 00:43:43.239
Share a little more of what you have extra and just don't worry about too much, because that will paralyze you, man, that will paralyze you.

00:43:43.239 --> 00:43:44.824
So that's the other part.

00:43:44.824 --> 00:43:52.166
When you were thinking of signing up on this, I'm sure some people family friends were like whoa man, what are you doing again?

00:43:52.166 --> 00:43:53.815
I was one of them, right?

00:43:54.135 --> 00:44:03.317
I mean I, I was, you know, I was, I was kind of worried, like I mean, I didn't know what their opinions were going to be or, you know, if they were going to truly understand the reason why I was doing this.

00:44:03.317 --> 00:44:12.762
Um, so far it's been, you know, very positive that you raised a ton of money I, I, it went pretty quick it went very quick.

00:44:13.141 --> 00:44:16.228
anybody we won't say the name, but anybody donate that.

00:44:16.228 --> 00:44:22.981
You're like whoa, Like hey, I didn't know that I didn't talk to them.

00:44:23.001 --> 00:44:27.041
You know, when I was in college I used to coach high school baseball out in Wyoming.

00:44:27.041 --> 00:44:29.047
One of the guys I coached donated.

00:44:29.047 --> 00:44:35.202
A guy I probably haven't talked to in 25 years, 20 years.

00:44:35.202 --> 00:44:38.208
That should tell you something as a coach brother that should tell you something.

00:44:38.130 --> 00:44:38.639
Because a coach brother?

00:44:38.639 --> 00:44:39.152
That should tell you something?

00:44:39.152 --> 00:44:49.844
Because when you don't talk to somebody for 25 years and they recognize you for something you do with resources or money from their own pocket, you ain't talked in 25 years.

00:44:49.844 --> 00:44:51.179
That's a great surprise.

00:44:51.179 --> 00:44:53.182
Yeah, I was like that's super cool.

00:44:53.275 --> 00:44:56.418
I mean like I would never expect that, but very appreciative.

00:44:56.418 --> 00:44:57.644
That says something about you, man.

00:44:57.664 --> 00:44:59.293
I mean, like I would never expected that, but very appreciative that's.

00:44:59.293 --> 00:45:01.079
Uh, that says something about you, man.

00:45:01.079 --> 00:45:02.362
I hope so.

00:45:02.362 --> 00:45:04.246
I mean, I'm sure you're not perfect, right I am.

00:45:04.496 --> 00:45:06.139
I am very far from perfect.

00:45:06.661 --> 00:45:18.141
I mean, we can call Brendan right now and he will tell you all the way that I'm not perfect, hey, but but you know, while all of us are not perfect, we can do things with good people.

00:45:18.141 --> 00:45:20.922
You know, and go through this journey of life.

00:45:20.922 --> 00:45:27.766
You know, I want to share this with you and I really want you to remember this.

00:45:27.766 --> 00:45:38.012
I want this experience to stay with every end user, with every I call them end users, right With every marcher, with every volunteer, with everyone who's involved.

00:45:38.012 --> 00:45:40.800
End users right With every marcher, with every volunteer, with everyone who's involved.

00:45:40.800 --> 00:45:49.240
But I do want to talk to the walkers for a second, because in 22 hours of pain, you know, I don't care how great of an athlete you are, it's just a test.

00:45:49.240 --> 00:45:53.028
So I tell people hey, some people live 70% of life.

00:45:53.028 --> 00:45:56.161
They go to work, they pay bills, they go to sleep.

00:45:56.161 --> 00:45:57.905
They go to work, they pay bills, they go to sleep.

00:45:57.905 --> 00:45:59.108
That's 70% of life.

00:45:59.108 --> 00:46:00.300
Nothing wrong with that, right?

00:46:00.300 --> 00:46:04.585
Then you get 85% of life where people are like you know what?

00:46:04.585 --> 00:46:14.085
I'm going to work out a little bit, I'm going to make an impact here, I'm going to take care of myself and I'm going to do some good things.

00:46:14.085 --> 00:46:14.686
That's good.

00:46:14.686 --> 00:46:18.202
Then there's the 95 percenters.

00:46:18.202 --> 00:46:19.126
Here's what I talk about.

00:46:19.126 --> 00:46:24.248
The 95 percenters will find the best of themselves when they put themselves through grueling pain.

00:46:24.635 --> 00:46:27.565
I'm never going to say what we are is Ironman triathlete.

00:46:27.565 --> 00:46:44.690
I'm never going to say that we're Olympians, because we're not, but we are willing to put our bodies through 120,000 steps, 50 miles, 22 to 23 hours, sleep deprivation, food deprivation.

00:46:44.690 --> 00:46:47.740
You know, I mean just just the struggle.

00:46:47.740 --> 00:46:55.197
And I promise you, on this journey of 50 miles, you'll find 95% of yourself, brother.

00:46:55.197 --> 00:46:57.202
You'll find pain that you never knew.

00:46:57.202 --> 00:46:59.887
You know 100% is when you die.

00:46:59.887 --> 00:47:02.880
Like evil can evil, he's living 100% of life.

00:47:02.880 --> 00:47:05.643
When you do crazy stuff and you die, that's 100%.

00:47:05.643 --> 00:47:08.684
95% is just enough to scare you.

00:47:08.684 --> 00:47:11.423
Yeah, just get to the edge, that's it, brother.

00:47:11.423 --> 00:47:17.360
Get right to the edge and you look at yourself and you say are these blisters going to stop me?

00:47:17.360 --> 00:47:19.744
You and you look at yourself and you say are these blisters going to stop me?

00:47:19.744 --> 00:47:20.947
You know, that's the other thing, right?

00:47:20.947 --> 00:47:21.809
What's going to stop you?

00:47:21.809 --> 00:47:23.431
Let me ask you that what's going to stop you?

00:47:23.431 --> 00:47:26.349
Like, what kind of injury would stop you?

00:47:26.349 --> 00:47:27.092
I mean, right, you don't know.

00:47:28.967 --> 00:47:31.996
Yeah, I can't Walking.

00:47:31.996 --> 00:47:33.313
I don't know if there could be an injury that would stop you.

00:47:33.614 --> 00:47:40.057
I mean snapping Achilles you, I mean snapping achilles.

00:47:40.057 --> 00:47:41.282
That would be bad, right, that would be very bad.

00:47:41.302 --> 00:47:43.809
But you've been practicing so your achilles should be, it should be good.

00:47:43.809 --> 00:47:44.831
Yeah, I don't know, I don't.

00:47:44.831 --> 00:47:45.092
I mean I.

00:47:45.092 --> 00:47:53.528
I, you know, expect the blisters and the sore feet and the aching back and, um, just being completely tired.

00:47:53.528 --> 00:48:00.320
So, yeah, I mean it, it's gonna suck it, it is Should be a hard thing, yeah, and that's just it.

00:48:00.474 --> 00:48:18.835
So, wrapping this up, I want to ask you if there's someone out there right now they're thinking of getting involved next year, or they're thinking of getting involved just to ruck to do this man, to do this man.

00:48:18.835 --> 00:48:19.215
You heard it right?

00:48:19.215 --> 00:48:19.677
Oh, I'd like to do that.

00:48:19.677 --> 00:48:20.918
You're like oh, would you, what would you?

00:48:20.978 --> 00:48:38.646
say to them brother, I do it, um, challenge yourself, yeah, um, I mean at least I mean go out there and see, see if you can do it, see if it's something you like, um, uh, and maybe, if you're not getting involved with rucking and walking, you know there's other ways to get involved.

00:48:38.646 --> 00:48:39.880
I mean, be a volunteer.

00:48:39.880 --> 00:48:44.985
Yeah, there's nothing saying you can't raise funds by not walking.

00:48:44.985 --> 00:48:45.387
You can still.

00:48:45.387 --> 00:48:54.402
But I mean, challenge yourself, do crazy things, yeah, and see where it takes you.

00:48:59.215 --> 00:48:59.795
Let's see where it takes you.

00:48:59.795 --> 00:49:01.338
Of all the veteran organizations that you've known, you know um.

00:49:01.358 --> 00:49:07.998
You looked at ours and what caught your eye about us and yet, because I think it was just, it was so many different areas.

00:49:07.998 --> 00:49:14.998
Um, the community hope, yes, and again, having people involved and they had great experiences with it.

00:49:14.998 --> 00:49:17.762
Um, word of mouth, yeah, uh.

00:49:17.762 --> 00:49:21.036
So I mean, I think it's kind of really stuck out.

00:49:21.036 --> 00:49:24.612
It's local, yeah, it's not for sure national thing, it's very local.

00:49:24.833 --> 00:49:35.164
It's all coming here, brother, um so like, keep it in, keep it in the community here, yeah so you know, this is, this is something that you become part of and it becomes part of you.

00:49:35.224 --> 00:49:36.067
You never leave this.

00:49:36.067 --> 00:49:39.945
You know that, right, I become very, very well aware of that.

00:49:39.945 --> 00:49:42.822
Yeah, I'm sure you met good friends along the way.

00:49:42.922 --> 00:49:43.784
Yeah, it's been great.

00:49:43.784 --> 00:49:49.128
I've gone on some weekend rucks with my team and had great conversations.

00:49:49.414 --> 00:49:50.177
Isn't that funny to say.

00:49:50.177 --> 00:49:52.826
My team, my team Team, right, right for team.

00:49:53.494 --> 00:49:54.737
Rumor is we're the best platoon.

00:49:54.978 --> 00:50:02.699
Oh, that's a rumor, though that's a rumor, Ugly rumor right there, bro, Because it's all about the white platoon.

00:50:02.699 --> 00:50:08.769
Well, listen, I appreciate you honoring or sharing your story.

00:50:08.769 --> 00:50:15.967
I honor the life of your ex-wife.

00:50:15.967 --> 00:50:19.322
Sharing your son's story with us.

00:50:19.322 --> 00:50:31.840
Being vulnerable takes a lot of guts you know, Takes a lot of strength to be able to talk about this stuff, and someone's going to listen today and they're going to figure out what their connection is.

00:50:31.840 --> 00:50:33.083
Thanks for being on, brother.

00:50:33.083 --> 00:50:34.286
Appreciate it, appreciate you, brother.

00:50:35.994 --> 00:50:37.099
Good yes.

00:50:42.728 --> 00:50:43.835
That was so good, man.

00:50:43.835 --> 00:50:45.157
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