July 14, 2025
Find Your Tribe: Find Your Vibe
"Text now! I'll Respond" A tribe isn't just people who like the same stuff – it's made of individuals who believe in your mission, don't flinch when you dream big, and show up when it's inconvenient for them. Success is not a solo sport, and fulfillment doesn't happen in isolation. • Spotting the wrong circle: people who hope you fail, give bad advice, or remain silent when you share goals • When you're around the right people, your standards go up and you start thinking bigger naturally • ...
A tribe isn't just people who like the same stuff – it's made of individuals who believe in your mission, don't flinch when you dream big, and show up when it's inconvenient for them. Success is not a solo sport, and fulfillment doesn't happen in isolation.
• Spotting the wrong circle: people who hope you fail, give bad advice, or remain silent when you share goals
• When you're around the right people, your standards go up and you start thinking bigger naturally
• Take an audit of your tribe – the five people you spend most time with – do they challenge, celebrate, and call you out?
• Your energy is your most valuable currency – spend it where it compounds and gets returned
• When surrounded by the wrong people, you start to shrink, lose dreams, and believe playing small is noble
• Building a tribe starts with one move – just show up where people are growing and working hard
• Be specific when approaching potential mentors – ask thoughtful questions about their mistakes and journey
• True tribe relationships are reciprocal – you must also support others, not just receive support
• People who are truly in your tribe will shine when they see you and help make you better
Please share this episode and tag someone in your tribe—or someone who needs a new one. When you walk with the right people, everything changes.
Thank you for listening to The Connection Podcast with Jay Miralles. Please subscribe and share!
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00:00 - What Makes a True Tribe
01:43 - Spotting the Wrong Circle
02:49 - How the Right People Change You
04:11 - Auditing Your Current Circle
10:02 - Building Your Tribe Intentionally
17:17 - The Power of Accountability
23:14 - Finding Your People and Moving Forward
28:44 - Closing Thoughts and Call to Action
WEBVTT
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connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the world, creating more connections.
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Welcome to the connection.
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Meet your host.
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Author, coach, air coach, air Force veteran Jay Morales All right, let's start here.
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A tribe isn't a group of people who just like the same stuff.
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It's not just oh, me too, me too, we all like the same things.
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Let's hang out.
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No, a tribe is made up of people who believe in your mission, even when you forget it.
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People who don't flinch when you dream big.
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People who show up when it's inconvenient for them.
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In my book, I talk about how we were not meant to go through this life solo for sure.
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Success is not a solo sport.
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Fulfillment doesn't take, you know.
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It just doesn't happen in isolation.
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Think about a time in your life when you made a big move, when you took a risk and started over.
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Maybe you did something people said was impossible.
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You didn't do it alone.
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Somebody, somewhere, gave you energy, vision or accountability.
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That's your tribe.
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For me, at the beginning of the 50-mile march, it didn't even start with a giant crowd.
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It started with a few people who said all right, I'll walk with you.
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That was enough.
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That gave me permission to go.
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Now let's flip the coin.
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Spotting the wrong circle.
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How can I tell when I'm in the wrong circle?
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Some of you are hanging out with people who, low-key, hope you fail.
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Now some of you are taking advice from folks who've never built anything, and it's subtle and it doesn't come with flashing red lights.
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It doesn't show up as sarcasm when you win or sometimes it does.
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It shows up as silence when you share your goals.
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It shows up as why are you working so hard?
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Why are you doing this?
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When you're grinding for something bigger, people look at you and say aren't you just happy with what you have?
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If you're around people who drain your energy, make you second guess yourself or clap louder when you lose than when you win, that's not your tribe, that's your anchor.
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Let me say it again A tribe will lift you up and anchor drags you down.
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Now how the right people change you.
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Let's get to the good stuff.
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What happens when you get this right?
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What happens when you find your tribe?
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When you're around the right people, everything changes.
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Your standards go up.
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You eat better, you speak differently, you move with purpose, not because someone told you to, but because excellence becomes normal.
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You start thinking bigger.
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You don't apologize for wanting more.
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You find people who speak the same language of growth and gratitude and, yes, grit.
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You have to find people who say let's go, not people who say that's too much.
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You need people in your corner who will hold you to your potential, not just in your comfort zone, because everybody wants to stay there.
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Nobody wants to rock the boat.
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Listen, the biggest leaps in my life didn't come from books or podcasts or mentors from afar.
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They came from just talking or conversations with the right people at the right time, sometimes in a coffee shop, sometimes on walking trails, sometimes parking lots after events.
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People who didn't let me play small.
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Now let's take an audit, if you will, of our tribe.
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Let's think of the five people who you spend the most time with, or the people you spend your most time with.
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Who is in your circle?
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Who are you texting daily?
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Who do you call when things go wrong?
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I mean, it's real easy to be around when things go right.
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Everybody wants to be part of it.
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But when things go wrong, when the lights dim, when things are not going your way, ask yourself are the people in my tribe?
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Are they challenging me, like?
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Are they asking me, am I doing all the right things?
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Are they pushing me?
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Or are they just nodding silently like, hmm, do they celebrate me?
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Which means not just in the wins, but also in the little things?
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Do they encourage me.
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When there is no time to celebrate, do they call me out?
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Just the other day I was telling somebody oh, I want to do this amazing journey of 300 miles, right, and that person said, hey, you got to fix your body first.
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At first it took me back and I was like what do you mean, fix my body?
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That person could have just said, oh yeah, that's awesome, but what would that have done?
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Now that person said to me you got to fix your body.
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That person called me out and it's in the back of my mind right here.
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It's in the back of my mind saying you got to fix your body.
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That person called me out and it's in the back of my mind right here.
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It's in the back of my mind saying you've got to get ready, you have to prepare yourself.
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Oh, walking 300, that's going to be amazing.
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At the end, no, they're telling me, you've got stuff to do before you even think of taking your first step on that journey.
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Do they show up without asking?
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You know, people pop up in our lives at different times, but it's the people who know what you have going on when they show up at the most surprising times, maybe at the end of a race, surprising times, maybe at the end of a race, maybe before your amazing day, that you have to start an event.
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Or maybe it's the people who are helping you set up.
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Maybe it's the people who let you know, they give you a tip or two before you even start something great right, and then there's nothing in it for them.
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They're just.
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Sometimes we look at these people as just fans.
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These aren't fans.
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These are people who hold utmost respect for us and sometimes we don't listen to them.
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They don't want anything from us except for us to win, right?
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Really, look at those people around you.
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If someone came to mind and you felt a pit in your stomach, it might be time to make some decisions.
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Doesn't mean that you have to cut everyone off and blacklist people and remove them from your phone and unfriend them from social media, but it does mean that you have to stop giving VIP access to people who haven't earned it.
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Now, I don't mean to sound elitist or like you're some big, big shot, but you know you're giving your time to people who don't care.
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Your energy is your most valuable currency.
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Spend it where it compounds.
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Spend it where it gets returned.
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Spend it where you can see it blossom.
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Spend it on the people who are listening to you and cheering for you and pulling you up even when you fall.
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Spend your energy with those people when you don't choose wisely.
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Here's the dangerous part.
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Right, Most people don't talk about it.
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When you surround yourself with the wrong people long enough, you start to shrink, you start to lose your dreams.
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Get quieter.
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Hey, I think I'm going to do this.
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Oh no, why are you going to do it?
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Yeah, yeah, you're right.
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That's crazy.
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It sounds crazy.
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Your self-talk gets even harder.
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Well, I said I was going to do this, but my friend said don't do that.
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Or this person said don't do that.
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Have you ever asked yourself why people say the things they say?
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You start to believe that playing small is noble.
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Be humble, don't overstep anyone, don't shine your light, don't push too hard, because you might make the rest of us look bad.
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I mean, you forget how powerful you really are when you've decided.
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Think of when you decided something and no one could stop you.
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But all of a sudden, lately, you find yourself looking for permission or looking for validation or looking for comfort in others.
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Right, I've seen it, I've lived it.
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Seen it, I've lived it.
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I've watched people with insane potential.
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They were on the track and they were crushing it, man, and then they settle for crumbs because they sat at the wrong table.
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They asked the wrong people for input and sometimes the input is subtle.
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Don't hurt yourself.
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You know I'm afraid of rejection.
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I would hate that for you.
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You know you've got everything that you need.
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What more is there?
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You will become who you surround yourself with.
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I promise you.
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Whether you choose that, intentionally or passively or by default, is up to you Building your tribe.
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So what now?
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How do I put all this together?
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How do I build a tribe of people who inspire me?
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You know, it sounds so crazy to start something.
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It sounds oh, I've got to put this perfect plan together and I have to assemble the Avengers, or I've got to assemble the Magnificent Seven, or I've got to put all these people together, perfectly, together, perfectly.
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No, you don't.
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If you're ready to build your tribe, it starts with just one move, just one step.
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Just start right.
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It doesn't mean that you have to have a witness to every one of your events.
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It just means whatever it is that you want to do or be great at, just start, and then those who align with you, those who want to see you win, will pop up.
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They may not clap a standing ovation, but they will encourage you.
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They will tell you hey, you're doing good, that's pretty awesome.
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Hey, try this.
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Add that They'll call you out.
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Hey, you said you were going to do that.
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I mean, those are the people you start building your tribe with.
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Show up where people are growing.
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Show up where people are doing things.
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The path of resistance and the path of hard things usually create winners.
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Look for people who are working out together.
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They're racing together, they're studying together, they're pulling together.
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They're masterminds, they're networking with each other.
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You know you have to find out what your industry does to grow, what your industry does to grow, because when you pull back and you're by yourself, man, the voices start right, Like even right now, as I do my very first solo podcast ever.
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I've never done a solo podcast in my life and I'm scared, but I can hear some of my friends going hey, you did it, good job.
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That resonated with me and I also want their feedback.
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Like the opening was terrible, or the opening you should have said this, or you should have ended it with that.
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I want the people who will encourage me to say that was your first Do it again.
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You know, go to events, go to places and observe and just watch where people's feet point, watch who they're surrounding themselves with and talk with them, ask them questions.
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Go to some of the successful people in your career field or in your industry and truly pay them some reverence, not just hey, I want to pick your brain, can we go to coffee?
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No, I'll give you a good example.
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In the real estate industry, there's people who are starting, there's people who want to grow to the next level and there's people who just love to study and make themselves better.
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And in any industry, you know, people want to get better Sales, they want to get better Athletes, they want to get better.
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But here's the mistake that a lot of us who want to grow do.
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They say hey, can I pick your brain?
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You're at the top and I just want to ask you some questions.
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You know, and asking someone like that could have a 50-50 shot, but I'd encourage you to do it a little bit better.
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I encourage you to be very specific when gathering people or picking people's brains or asking them for their time.
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You got to ask good questions, you have to ask what their mistakes were.
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You know, crafting an approach to an expert is a whole podcast when it's within itself, but you just have to start.
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Reach out to that person.
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Okay, maybe it's someone who walks all the time or rucks like I ruck.
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If somebody really wanted my time, I would say ruck with me, do something I love to do.
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We're walking for an hour and a half.
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Not only am I bettering myself in the moment, but if we both share the time for an hour and a half, something may happen.
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You know, send a DM to someone who inspires you and just say hey, I want to let you know that you're in a place that makes an impact and I've been watching or observing or I see some of the awards you've won how inspiring.
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I myself have a challenge doing this and I would love to learn how to do this.
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Be very specific and they'll say oh man, yeah, versus just hey, can I pick your brain?
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Hey, I want some advice.
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I think you really have to do your homework.
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When you approach people, share with people what you're doing Like your homework.
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When you approach people, share with people what you're doing Like no-transcript.
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Oh hey, I don't know.
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I just life is crazy or life is awesome.
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Hey, what is it that you're working on?
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Let me give you a great example.
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When someone says to me, hey, jay, how are things going?
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I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm working on this amazing project.
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I'm working on selling digital products online.
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From everything that I've learned, I'm looking for experts who know how to monetize that space, selling digital products online courses, worksheets, journals, books, things of that nature.
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Do you know anyone like that?
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Chances are, if I keep it short and I tell people, here's what I'm looking for and I've given a little bit of credibility, and they've given a little bit of credibility and we've exchanged some energy, they might connect me to the right person.
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But if I just keep saying I'm busy oh, you know, man, it's been crazy lately this economy, the weather, these politics, like all those things like it's just a waste of time.
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But when you focus, you ask better questions and you'll attract people.
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When you're living in alignment, you know, what do you want to be like?
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Who do you want to be like?
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What is it that you want to be or do or change?
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And, as I was speaking about earlier, you know when I say, look at the people you're hanging out with, right, I said do they challenge you, do they celebrate you, do they call you out?
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And I just want to reflect and re-explain that whole auditing your circle, making sure that you are truly not just hanging out with people by default, but it's because you chose them and you're not looking for approval or you're not looking for everyone to agree with you.
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As a matter of fact, I think the best people that I've hung out with lately have disagreed with some of my points.
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With sense, they have told me their viewpoint and I've gained a large respect for them.
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You know, one thing that I'm trying to work on is to stop people-pleasing, because I want to be very respectful, I want to be a good neighbor, I want to be kind to people, all those things.
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But it doesn't mean you have to be weak.
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I was reading somewhere where it says people who you know, people who lie to strong people, hurt themselves and the people who lie to weak people hurt the weak person.
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I don't know, you know, if someone came to mind that let you down subtly, you know they said, hey, that's okay, you don't have to do that, just come out with us.
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Or hey, you know, I'll be there for you and they really weren't.
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Or you ask them for great feedback and they're like yeah, sounds great, like no, what is it?
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Oh, you know, I just I'm not good at giving people feedback.
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Then maybe you're asking the wrong person for feedback.
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I think that you know that's pretty important.
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I think that showing up consistently in a place where people win, I think that showing up consistently in a place where people win, in a place where people are bettering themselves right, you know it.
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I mean networking groups are such a great place, or Kiwanis, or, oh my gosh, I was so inspired by Rotary and all these networking groups of good people.
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But even within those networks, you've got to find the right people.
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I think that if you want to go to the gym, you've got to find out people who really want to go to the gym.
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Or sometimes you don't have the self-discipline to do it yourself.
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Maybe it's Orange Theory, maybe it's, I Think, fit, maybe it's a CrossFit, or maybe it's Apex at Lifetime, it's whatever you want to call it, it's Pilates.
00:20:01.968 --> 00:20:06.502
You go with a group of people, a tribe, to hold you accountable.
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See, you start in common with one thing.
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So when everyone enjoys, let's say, keep it easy, like me, when we rock in the morning, we're coming together.
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Some people are driving from Council Bluff, some people are driving from down the street.
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There are people around the block that won't join, but the people who get together want to have something in common, and it starts with maybe just rucking, and then you find out more about them as you spend time with them.
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You find out the things that you have in common and the things that aren't in common.
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Or you find out solutions to problems that other people have already figured out.
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See, problems that other people have already figured out.
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See, it's not about who has more money or less money.
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It's not about who has more experience or less experience.
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It's the people who have made mistakes and can translate their mistakes into wins.
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It's people who have figured out that things that they've done by going alone have been less fruitful than when they've gone together.
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Now I'm not saying you can't do anything alone, but I'm saying to you why would you want to do that?
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Because there's a lot of people that I've noticed who like to isolate themselves when it gets hard.
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This is one of the things I think really I'm passionate about when people run into these roadblocks, when life hits them on the head, when they run into a brick wall, when they fall down, sometimes they like to lay there.
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Sometimes they feel sorry for themselves and they're there and they're just looking and taking inventory of all the things that have gone wrong.
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And then they're getting in their head and then they say, oh, I need to be around, just me for now.
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I need to block other people because I don't want to feel stupid.
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Or their energy gets so low, they get into this rut and this rabbit hole and they start spiraling.
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That happens to people who usually are isolated.
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Tomorrow morning at 5 am, I will ruck, I will show up.
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Whether I feel like it or not, I am accountable to a lot of people.
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I'm accountable to myself.
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Now I say to myself I don't need those other people, sure, but it sure is a lot better when I am in the zone, when I am feeling accountable, when I know people are waiting on me, when I know I'm waiting on them.
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It's a symbiotic relationship of support.
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It's not just one way, it's not just oh, I need these people to help me wake up and shake off the cobwebs.
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No, and it starts with wanting to be prepared.
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