WEBVTT
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Connecting the dots.
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Connecting his guests to the world.
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Creating more connections.
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Welcome to the connection.
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Meet your host, author, coach, Air Force veteran, Jay Morales.
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All right, there's something I want to talk about, something that's stealing more from us than we realize.
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And in a world that we are connected with social media and technology and video messaging, text messaging, email, uh, voicemail, all the things that we can do that don't require the presence of a human being is actually creating more disconnection for us.
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So when did this happen?
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If you look back, you know, when was the last time you sat with someone, phone face down, and gave them your full attention?
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Even then, when you're sitting with somebody and you put your phone face down, is that does that really mean you're really paying attention?
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Or is that provisionally telling someone like, listen, you're you're important enough for me to keep my phone on the table, but I'm gonna keep it face down.
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But in case it vibrates, I need to check it, right?
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There's one thing.
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And when did conversation turn into comments and connection turn into content?
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When when did that happen?
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So I want to visit a quick stat here, and just you know, just doing a little bit of homework and a little bit of research.
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But according to some user groups on Reddit, the average person spends seven plus hours a day on screen time.
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And that's not just the phone screen.
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That's just looking at many screens, right?
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That's looking at your car screen, that's looking at your phone screen, that's looking at your computer screen, screens at work, screens at home, screens on your way to and from the things that you really need to do.
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And we're always looking for dashboards, we're looking for everything in a centralized place, we're looking for convenience when it's really creating disconnection.
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We're the most connected generation ever, the most technologically advanced and somehow still the loneliest.
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And again, here's what I'll say: today is not about demonizing technology, it's it's about reclaiming presence.
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And what sparked me to talk about this was church on Sunday, you know, and I want to credit Pastor Craig Groschel for going through, you know, talking about the connected world or, you know, being connected.
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And my podcast is the connection.
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And it's almost ironic.
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And here I am on a solo podcast, not connected to anyone, but hopefully I'll connect with you.
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So, you know, a friend actually showed up instead of texting, you know, when I went through, you know, difficult times.
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And I can recall stories, you know, where people actually showed up, where they didn't send me an emoji, or they didn't uh just wish me happy birthday on, you know, social media, or they didn't say prayers or with you.
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They actually showed up, you know, and and I can think of a few times in my life where people got from behind the screen, they even called, or they visited, or they they they took the time out of their day just to show up, you know.
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And in some of those stories that I'll share with you later, um, the moment reminded me, you know, the connection isn't in likes or subscribes or what have you.
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It's in eye contact.
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And, you know, we talk about the connection.
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We talk about being in a tribe and hanging out with the people that are, you know, our five friends make up, you know, who we are.
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But but if you really think of it, when was the last time you were around people and you really connected with them?
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And I'll talk about this in the business world, personal life, and you know, um, just out and about in the presence of community.
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But sometimes the difference between I care and I'm here is about 10 feet.
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The distance between your couch and their door, right?
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Or it's one phone call away, or it's just a visit, you know.
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Think of all the things that you've got to go through today.
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Think of your day or think of how your day went.
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You know, this might be later on in the day, it might be early on in the day, but think about tomorrow.
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Think about the time that you haven't taken yet, but you're going to plan for it.
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So if you look at the next day, which is tomorrow, you might say to yourself, okay, I would reach out to so-and-so, but I'm so busy.
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Gosh, life is just busy.
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This is what we tell ourselves.
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We romanticize with the fact that being busy allows us to shield ourselves from people, or it causes us to shield ourselves from people, or it excuses us from having connection to say, you know, I would have contacted you, but I just got back from so-and-so.
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And you know, if you really think about it, and and I've done this myself, you know, people have contacted me and, you know, oh my gosh, I forgot to get back to you.
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You know, I just had a trip, I had a funeral, and my gosh, that could have been seven days ago.
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And we still hang on to the excuses so that we don't hurt anyone's feelings.
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And when you don't connect with people because you're too busy, you might want to take a step back and inventory your own life, right?
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It's not just friends and colleagues and coworkers, it's your own family, you know.
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Um let's be real, okay?
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Phone phones aren't bad.
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They're they're actually, you know, leverage.
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Um, you know, but they have quietly taken our attention.
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Our if if if attention was currency, you know, and it have had a value of money to it, think of how much money you'd be spending on that phone time.
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You know, but they have phones have taken center stage and and you don't even think about it, right?
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Adults spend seven hours a day on screens on average, right?
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Just check, check your phone app.
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Look in your app on your phone in the settings, and you'll see screen time.
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And it will tell you exactly where your time has gone on the phone.
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And the first thing you do when you look at it, you say, Well, I had to get on email, I had to get on text message, I had to do, you know, on Chrome, or I had to get on Instagram or Snapchat.
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What's even crazier is our teens spend eight to nine hours a day on the phone.
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Think of that.
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Just, hey, ask your kid, let me go look at your phone real quick.
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Just check the settings, go there, I'll put the instructions on how to see how much screen time there is.
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You know, and again, I'm not chastising because I'm involved in this too.
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And I want to talk about it.
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I want to address it.
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Here's what's even crazier 68% of people feel anxiety when separated from their phones.
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Umophobia, fear of being without your phone.
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And it's real, and it's the absence of connection, or it's the absence of you know, just not having um something to have connected to your friends and texting and phoning, and you know, you you you can get into that whole rabbit hole of what it is, but um what our pastor at at church said yesterday is our our phones fill the moment, but they don't fill the soul.
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And I was like, ooh.
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And then another one he said, he said, our feeds are full, but our hearts are empty.
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And and I want to kind of talk about that, right?
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Where we're confusing, you know, digital presence with real connection.
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We're chasing validation instead of building belonging.
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It's kind of my tie back to the connection.
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It's crazy because people do sometimes want to isolate themselves.
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And and again, I don't want to take credit for this outline.
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I just want to add color commentary and refer back to what I heard yesterday.
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But, you know, my time and and me and my comfort and my alone time, and you know, my time is precious, and I do this, I do that.
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It's so crazy because we justify me time, which which is not bad, right?
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You got to take care of yourself.
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But when you're on the phone for let's even say four hours a day for some of you people, five hours a day, you know, on social media, just on the phone physically, scrolling through social media, what could you have done with those four hours?
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What what could you instead you're on the phone for four hours, liking, reposting, resharing, doing, you know, commenting on other people's stuff.
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And, you know, what kills me the most is when someone says, you know, and I do it too, hey, oh, we're we're gonna, you're, you're in our thoughts and prayers, right?
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Like just worst case scenario, write out the prayer.
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Or instead of trying to get your comment perfect online, pick up the phone and just say, hey, you're on my mind.
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I want to let you know that I am here for you.
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And sometimes the reverberation of that voice as you hear mine now is important because how many times do we talk about texting getting lost in translation?
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We talk about it all the time.
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We talk about, wait, what do they mean by that?
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What do they mean by that text?
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Was it, oh, they put an emoji at the end, smiley face.
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Okay, it's okay.
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Like it's so crazy that we even have to go to that level of telling someone something, or or here's what I love the most.
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Happy Tuesday, happy Sunday, or you know, great day.
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Like, is it really that great on text message?
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You know what I mean?
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When you're when you're trying to greet somebody, and I get it.
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Pleasantries, trying to be courteous, but you know, and and most people in business, you know, sometimes are so busy that they prefer a text message.
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I get it.
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But my gosh, how oh, you know, you could have just told me that over text.
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I I get it, you know what I mean?
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But at what point do you start losing the human touch?
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At what point I have a rule for myself.
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Uh after two or three texts, really, I'm like, I'm picking up the phone.
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I have to pick up the phone because if I keep going back and forth, things get lost in translation, things get misconstrued.
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There is no tone, there is no tone to your voice on text message or email.
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There's just not.
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You can write the best email in the world, and the person on the other side, if they don't hear the intonation of your voice, they think it's the worst of the world, right?
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Or they think, um, you know, they're they're able to just create some kind of story in their head that really doesn't even jive with the message.
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But, you know, scrolling through other people's highlight reels while, you know, sitting on the couch and you're losing sleep.
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I mean, that's that's the new epidemic.
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You know, you're you're creating more distance, really, I think sometimes.
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And here's what's crazy you like photos of people you don't even talk to anymore.
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I mean, I know it's funny, but think about that.
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You like someone's photo, you even made a comment, but you never talk to them.
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And what's even crazier is I know people see themselves in the stores or out and about, and they sometimes even avoid eye contact or they don't say hello at all.
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You know, they they'd rather just be on, you know, on great.
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I mean, they'd rather just be on Facebook and chat, I guess, but here's the other part.
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Comparison.
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Comparison is another hard truth there.
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And it's it's not that you get on there, so I wish I had their car.
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You don't say that, right?
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You don't say it all directly.
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You even judge, you say, Oh, it must be nice.
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Oh, gosh, look, they have another car.
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Oh, look, they're doing this.
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Now they're going on vacation.
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Oh, um, look at their morning routine.
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They have a five-step morning routine, they have vacation filters.
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Well, look at their kids are are wearing these outfits.
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I mean, we do it all the time.
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Um, it's it's crazy to me.
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But outside of our own house, there are one, two, three.
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I'm surrounded by houses, you know, probably 20 houses within, I don't know, 50 steps of where I live.
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Okay.
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But do I know my neighbors?
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Thank God I'm social and I love to introduce myself.
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And because I want to know what environment I live in.
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But, you know, I do catch myself instead of walking over to my friend John's house and congratulating on his kids in sports.
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I'm just commenting online.
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I'm just creating a heart emoji or a thumbs up.
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That's the other thing, aggressive or passive aggressive thumb.
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Thumbs up.
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What does that really mean?
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It's funny because I see more people more and more in real life just giving the thumbs up.
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They've been conditioned by social media that that is that is the way to communicate.
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I mean, that would be weird back in the day to just a thumbs up.
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You know what I mean?
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But everyone's doing it now.
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Um we compare jobs, we compare, hey, careers, we compare what are they doing, what are we doing, you know?
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Um, and and listen, it it's not that we don't care, we're just very distracted.
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You know, we've traded depth of relationship for dopamine hits.
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And um, you know, the reflection question is this who would you be if you stopped scrolling long enough to remember what matters most?
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Who would you be if you stop scrolling long enough to remember what matters most?
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It's a pretty powerful question, you know.
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And um how we're modeling this, you know, as adults, as parents, as leaders, as, you know, uh members of society, um we tell our kids to get off their phones.
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But guess what?
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We're glued to ours too.
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You know, we we didn't just hand them the problem, we created it, we modeled it, right?
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That's what Pastor Grochel said, you know, and and I do kind of agree with that because at what age are you saying, okay, well, I guess you're 10 now, 12 now, you know.
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I'm I'm interested, you know, in comments below, would you put what age is appropriate or what age you gave your kid a phone and what age you said, hey, maybe there should be an age, right?
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You know, and here's the other part.
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We we overprotect them.
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You know, Pastor Greg Rochel said, we over-protect them in the real world, but we underprotect them online, right?
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Be careful, put your jacket on, make sure you eat enough, make sure you're courteous, make sure you be careful.
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Don't don't get into a fight, don't do this, be, you know, watch when you change lanes and all those other things.
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But guess what?
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When we give them this phone, we give them access to everything, all the bad things too, all the things that you don't want your kid to run into.
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All the subjects in the world, right?
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All the vulnerabilities, all the liabilities, they are seeing it, they are hearing it, they are reading about it, and you know, unfortunately, it gets to some of them.
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You know, part the part that I'm wanting to challenge you is, you know, into reconnecting, building real community again, right?
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So, how do we reclaim real connection?
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How can you go about and reconnect?
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How can you go about and revitalize the relationships perhaps that you're craving most?
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And it's it's not hard.
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There's three simple things that I want to challenge you with, right?
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This this is just three simple things that you can do practical today.
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And you'd feel a lot better.
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It it would be refreshing.
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Number one, don't just text, make a call.
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So I don't mean every phone call.
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I mean the calls where if you look online and see someone needs a hand help, or you know, somebody that you've been wanting to connect with that you haven't spoken with in a while because maybe you're not on great terms.
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Don't just text them, call them.
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Oh, well, what if they don't answer?
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Well, what if they're busy?
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What if listen, if you call and they answer, guess what?
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That's part of it.
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But if you don't call, you're not gonna connect.
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Let somebody hear your voice, right?
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Emotion doesn't translate in emojis.
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Sorry, it just doesn't.
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You know, happy face, sad face, all those things.
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They're not real.
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And then here's the other part.
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Challenge number two.
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Don't just like on someone's post, right?
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When someone's going through something, it's easy to say, oh, hey, messenger, I just saw that you're going through something, hard thoughts and prayers.
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Or you see someone, you know, one of your friends, one of your coworkers.
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You know, it's it's one thing to send, you know, DoorDash or Uber Eats.
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Why don't you just bring something yourself?
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When was the last time you took 20 minutes to go down to someone's place and deliver a chicken pot pie?
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I know it sounds crazy.
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Maybe whatever it is.
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I don't care what it is.
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Or maybe you run to the store and drop it.
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And maybe it's not even a long visit.
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Hey, I just wanted to pass by.
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I wanted to drop this off for you and your family.
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Hey, you know what?
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I wanted to mow your grass here.
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Don't even tell them.
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I don't, no one ever got, I never got mad at anyone for mowing my grass ever.
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Here's the other part.
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The snow's gonna start here sometime soon.
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Go shovel a driveway for somebody, you know, who you think is going through something hard.
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Here's what we do when we someone's going through hard time.
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We always do this.
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:13.599
Hey, do you need help?
00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:14.799
Are you okay?
00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:16.079
Is everything all right?
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And guess what they say?
00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:19.359
Yeah, everything's all right.
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:20.640
Yeah, it's okay.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:21.519
Of course.
00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:23.359
They're not gonna ask you for your help.
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:26.240
Well, well, what if I bring them dinner and they already had it?
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:27.359
Okay, good.
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:29.039
They can freeze it.
00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:34.960
Well, what if I bring over a pot uh uh of flowers and and they don't like it?
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I don't think they're gonna throw it back at you.
00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:41.359
It's the gesture of time and connection, right?
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Even if they don't see you, you took the time to drop off that pot at their house versus just thumbs up or like or uh heart emoji, heart emoji.
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Like, do these things really mean anything anymore?
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And it's crazy because I don't know.